Saturday, 22 December 2012

The Perfect Elf

Here is my entry into the Centre Parcs competition inspired by my own very naughtly little elf. Just like my little boy this elf is well meaning but can't help getting into trouble!

We all love going to Centre Parcs and have had many happy holidays there - so fingers crossed this little elf gets the job and sends us some Christmas Magic!

To: Mr Father Christmas
RE: Job application for the Perfect Elf

Dear Santa

I'm applying to be your Perfect Elf
I'm stuck here in a cupboard
on a high and dusty shelf
It's not good for my allergies
or for my self esteem
So find enclosed my letter
to join your winning team

I have lots of experience in chatting to the kids
At my first job in a toyshop it was the best thing that I did
I made them all so happy, with my impish, elvish grin
(I get my perfect rosy cheeks with just a little tot of gin)
But in dishing out the Christmas toys I was a little hasty
and sadly had to leave the shop -  due to elf and safety

So I took a job helping children write their Christmas lists
I checked they put down all the toys and nothing would be missed.
But once again unfortunately things got a little hairy
when I had a nasty run in with that grumpy Christmas Fairy
She claimed I ate her mince pies but she'd left them lying around
(and just between ourselves she could do with loosing a few pounds)
She was really rather angry and she put a spell on me
That's how I ended up here on this high up shelf you see

So Santa I'd do anything
to get this job with you
I'll dye your beard with "no more grey"
I'll clean up Rudolf's poo!

You won't regret employing me
we'll have such fun - what larks!
And when the work is over we'll chill out at Centre Parcs
We'll whizz around the rapids
have a laugh at crazy golf
And you'll be glad you found me


Your Perfect Elf


  1. love the concept of the job application and that line about elf & safety is so funny! (and the line about rudolph's poo) A great poem. xxx